i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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