Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
