Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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