Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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