doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
