ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
