this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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