I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize