Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
