sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
