All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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