either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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