I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
