and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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