bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
