Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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