Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
