I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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