Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize