dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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