Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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