Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
