He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
