so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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