I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
