i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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