mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
