cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
