he wants to bone in the snuggie
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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