there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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