I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
