I just threw up on my dentist
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
