So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
