Pants 0. Shit 1.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
