I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
