I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
