the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
