I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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