its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm like, not good at living.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
