My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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