I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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