I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
