if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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