hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
