We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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