I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
