FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
