what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
