he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
