WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
