My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize