Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
