they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
