Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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