this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
