Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
