i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
