Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
