Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it

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(516): View more from New York

I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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(516): View more from New York

i have one question about last night

(646): View more from New York

if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain

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(314): View more from Missouri

At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?

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(541): View more from Oregon

Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.

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(519): View more from Ontario

If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.

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