don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
