the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
