so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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