glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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