Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
