you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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