the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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