who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
